I blame television. I know, without shadow of doubt, that I did not introduce my two-year-old to the concept of the Tooth-Fairy. I wouldn’t have.
You see, my girl lacks patience, but does just fine with surprises. Which is why we have a play-date coming over in about half-an-hour, but she has no idea. It’s easier for her to just be surprised than be patient. It’s easier for me too.
So, I would have never told her about the Tooth-Fairy years before it will come for her. I’m kind of a stickler, see; the Tooth-Fairy only comes for lost teeth. Fiona insists that she comes for new teeth as well. Which makes sense as she really wants the tooth fairy to come and she’s getting her two-year-old molars in now. (Also, this really does make some of the random behavior things we’ve been dealing with make sense. She’s been especially volatile lately.)
With that in mind, this is the story of the Tooth-Fairy, as told to me by Fiona last week in the car:
” The tooth fairy coming, Mommy. Like Santa. In a sleigh from the North Cold. She going to bring me a gallon of bubbles and a puppy. She bring presents for Mommy and Daddy, too. A new phone and a new po-cuter [computer]. She very nice. I will play Angry Birds on Mommy’s new phone. I get lots of bubbles. I have brand new big girl teeth, so the tooth-fairy she come. The puppy bark.”
Wow, she’s never given me quite so many words in a row as that before. Clearly this tooth-fairy person is important. There are some rules I’d like to explain to her though, that I believe she has missed.
First, coins. The tooth-fairy brings coins. If you’re very lucky you get a golden Sacajawea Dollar. The tooth-fairy is subject to inflation, but not commercialization. You do not get large presents!
Second, seriously, Kiddo, you don’t get the coins until you lose the teeth. It’s that simple. You don’t get special presents for acquiring teeth. Only for losing them. I’m not really sure why, but that’s the way it is.
Third, when did all the fairytale gift givers move to the North Pole. It’s got to be colder than witches britches up there. Why would normally happy, sunny-weather folk like the Easter Bunny and the Tooth-Fairy move there?
There are rules. The Tooth-Fairy will follow them. It’s just the way it is. Even if it would be awesome to have a puppy, a new phone and a new computer.