It’s taken me three days to be able to write about this without tears clouding my vision so that I can’t see my monitor. Three days. I thought about skipping it. Not writing. But that seemed wrong. So much loss deserves a response. It deserves to echo over and over.
I live on the other side of the country from the horror at Sandy Hook. I still can’t take it in. I find myself gripped in the pain, the grief that our nation shares at the loss of 20 children and 6 adults. Innocents and teachers. It freezes something in my chest. My heart breaks for parents that I have never met. Will never meet. For families that have been devastated.
I’m fighting waves of anxiety that start in my stomach and claw their way up to my throat like nausea. Sending Fiona to preschool today took physical effort. I don’t want her out of my sight. On Friday, I couldn’t stand to have her out of my arms. It is terrifying that I could send my tiny daughter out into the world, into a place that should be safe, and not be able to guarantee her safety. Bone-liquifyingly terrifying.
I’m also angry. I am furious with our country. I am angry that it is so fucking hard to get people mental health care. I’m furious that people think that blaming guns is a misdirection. People keep saying that the guns being used to commit these crimes are purchased, or used, illegally anyway, so there’s no point.
No Point? It seems like there’s plenty of ways of fixing this that we haven’t tried yet. It seems like there are a lot of countries that have fewer gun crimes and ta-da! stricter gun control laws. It seems like there is a lot of sticking both thumbs in the ears, squeezing the eyes tight shut and shouting “Second Amendment!” like some kind of mantra.
Fewer guns would mean fewer parents burying their tiny sons and daughters tonight. So why not be creative? Why not at least try something new?
I dunno, why not make the people who sell, or loan, the guns illegally complicit in any crimes committed? Seems like a quick way to make people start checking who should be buying or borrowing guns from them. Why not require a background check/gun license to purchase ammunition? Why not realize that your “right” to own a gun (what the fuck do you actually use it for?) just cost the lives of 12 little girls and 8 little boys and actually just ban the fucking things like they do in hundreds of other countries? (Do you really fucking think that it’s so that you can “keep the government in line”? No it’s so you can shoot fucking tin can’s in the back forty. It’s fucking entertainment.)
“If you make guns illegal, only criminals will own guns.” No shit? Really?
They’ll also own far fewer of them. Because, if they can’t buy them legally, and there are no guns in the hands of all these dumb fucks who think it’s okay to loan a fire arm to their son/brother/cousin that can’t buy one for himself, then over a fairly short period of time we really could reduce gun crime to levels that seem sane. Or a least less. Less seems like a really good thing today.
Less might mean one less parent burying their tiny, six-year-old child. For that I would give up every fucking privately-owned gun in the country.
Edited: Because I can remember which amendment is which, even when I’m angry.